Life Sucks

I am just sitting here thinking about times in my life where I have really been full of myself and needed someone to tell me that I needed to get a life. I have really realized that this has happened a lot in my life. Unfortunately in most instances I did not have someone to do this.

A couple of years ago my marriage was in the dumps. In fact I was on the verge of ending. I had several complaints. My wife thinks her sh!t don't stink, she does not respect me, she does not support me, she does not love me...the list goes on and on. As a result of these complaints I came to the conclusion. F**ck it! I'm outta here. I really told myself it was okay to leave my wife and put my kids in a broken home. I thrived on the fact that I was right and my wife was wrong. I had this power. I could dominate her and to a great extent not let her dominate me. I really needed someone to tell me that I was full of sh!t and to get a life. This is what precisely happened.

I was fortunate to have someone help me realize that I indeed needed to get a life. I sat down and really searched my soul. I came to terms with the complaints I had that put me at the point of being ready to get divorced. I realized that damn it felt good to make her wrong and blame her from everything. Then it dawned on me. It is not about her it is all about me. What was happening is I was letting the situation consume me. I was loosing control. I was loosing my ability to be who I really wanted to be. Then a shift occurred. My wife did not change. The way I was being changed. I took control and realized the way I am is a construct of the bullsh!t. I needed to get a life. I did. None of my complaints mattered anymore. I made a statement. I love my wife. Everything went away.

I hope the crap I have just spewed resonated with someone. If not, tell me to go to hell. I can take it.