Well. Right now I feel like pondering this issue no matter how futile it may be. I think back to things that have occurred in my life that have shaped who I am. As I ponder this issue for some reason I am drawn to the negative things that have happened in my life that have shaped me. I believe that in a large part these are a product of my family. In particular I find that I believe that in large it is my father that has shaped me.
I have come to realize that I am a child. For some reason I always try to seek the approval of my father in whatever I do. For some reason I have this idea in my head that I have not received his approval for most things that I have done. I have this perception that the majority of things in my life that I view as major accomplishments he has not given his approval. I am not sure if this is reality or just my perception of reality. Does it really matter? I believe that how you feel is one of the most real things in your life. This is what shapes how you are in both the present and the future. From this I have realized that I have a very specific way of being. This is that I am inadequate.
I feel that it is a major accomplishment that I have realized this. I believe there is power in this recognition. I believe that in this recognition I can move past it. I can begin to realize that perhaps I have this eyepiece that may be distorting reality. That perhaps I may be looking for reasons to support the thought that I am inadequate. I can have a shift in context. A new context where I can say "I am inadequate but....." After the but I can insert all of the accomplishments in my life that contradict the thought that I am inadequate. This, I believe, changes my meaning of life. It allows me to shift my thoughts to the positive.
I hope that my thoughts resonate with others and perhaps it may help them to get a life. A more positive and fulfilling life.
AWESOME post! I really acknowledge you for putting yourself out there. It's very powerful.
ReplyDeleteSo I pose a question to you. What form of recognition were you expecting? Perhaps there was subtle recognition for your accomplishments given which you did not recognize or take in. Your perception of what you expected may have clouded what you were given. In our own bubble of living we view things through our own filter, but when dealing with others you may need to view things through their eyes to see what their intentions are. Maybe you have received recognition and need to be satisfied and feel adequate with what was given. Stand tall and acknowledge your own accomplishments. "I am adequate." Please do not add the but...
ReplyDelete(Bettina)
Also please always ask Who Am I? Look at where we have come and look forward to Who Do I Want To Be? Then move forward with intention on who we want to become. We are always evolving and can always change. It's never to late to Get A Life.
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