You Only Know Yourself

The other day I had a not to pleasant reminder that "You Only Know Yourself". The situation is that I went to the ER with a certain complaint. It was a rather serious complaint. After spending a day in the hospital I was accused of making the whole thing up.

This caused me to take pause. You know in life we entrust our well being to many different people, doctors, therapists, etc. We operate on the assumption that they know what is best for us and we should trust them explicitly. After all they are the experts. I came to realize that they do not know everything. A lot of times when they cannot understand something they do not recognize that they do not know and do not seek to find an acceptable explanation. In this case they conveniently ignored an very obvious cause, because it did not fit what their assumption was, and instead blamed the patient for "making the whole thing up."

I learned the hard way. You know your own body better than any doctor will know or cares to even to bother to know. When you know something is wrong. Fight for it. Do not let anyone try to tell you that what you are feeling is not real. It is not their body so what is it to them. Stay strong do not give up.

Waiting for Questions

Alright. This blog is viewable by anyone. Also, anyone can post comments, whether they subscribe to this blog or not. You have 2 bloggers - myself and Hammad. We're here to serve and it's free - for now!! :) Take advantage of the opportunity. Ask us something. We promise a straight answer. No beating around the bush. All you have to do is respond to any blog posting. Respond to this one!

Hammad and I (Get a Life) will continue to post our blogs and pour our soals out on screen.

Get a Life coaching is open for business!

Who am I?

I must be bored to ponder the age old question "Who am I?" On the one hand sometimes I think that this is a very pertinent question. At other times I think, how can one ever really know who they are? If this is the case why bother even pondering the question.

Well. Right now I feel like pondering this issue no matter how futile it may be. I think back to things that have occurred in my life that have shaped who I am. As I ponder this issue for some reason I am drawn to the negative things that have happened in my life that have shaped me. I believe that in a large part these are a product of my family. In particular I find that I believe that in large it is my father that has shaped me.

I have come to realize that I am a child. For some reason I always try to seek the approval of my father in whatever I do. For some reason I have this idea in my head that I have not received his approval for most things that I have done. I have this perception that the majority of things in my life that I view as major accomplishments he has not given his approval. I am not sure if this is reality or just my perception of reality. Does it really matter? I believe that how you feel is one of the most real things in your life. This is what shapes how you are in both the present and the future. From this I have realized that I have a very specific way of being. This is that I am inadequate.

I feel that it is a major accomplishment that I have realized this. I believe there is power in this recognition. I believe that in this recognition I can move past it. I can begin to realize that perhaps I have this eyepiece that may be distorting reality. That perhaps I may be looking for reasons to support the thought that I am inadequate. I can have a shift in context. A new context where I can say "I am inadequate but....." After the but I can insert all of the accomplishments in my life that contradict the thought that I am inadequate. This, I believe, changes my meaning of life. It allows me to shift my thoughts to the positive.

I hope that my thoughts resonate with others and perhaps it may help them to get a life. A more positive and fulfilling life.

There are 2 of us posting

I have added my very close friend and brother from another mother - Hammad - as a poster to this blog. He and I will both be contributing. The way you can tell who posted a given blog entry is to look at the bottom where it says "Posted by". His posting name is "Hammad". Mine is "Get a Life".

Go get a life now!

Sandwich (two)

It has come to my attention that issue was taken with my sh!t sandwich analogy. I you were to actually read my post you will realize the following. I am not actually saying that your life is a sh!t sandwich. What the sh!t is, is the problems that we let take over our life. We make them as if they are our life when they are not. They are the sh!t that we mistaken for our life. If we realize that the problems are only sh!t and that is all they are. And that we take one thing at a time and not let them overwhelm our lives then we can create a more fulfilling life. We take little bites of the sh!t sandwich.

Life is a Sh!t Sandwich

Just sitting here for some reason a very influential person in my life came to mind. He was an English teacher that I had in high school. He was a good friend, mentor, and philosopher. He had a very profound statement "Life is a sh!t sandwich. In order to make it palatable you need to take it in little bites." I am not sure if this is a common statement but this is the first time I heard it.

At the time I heard this statement I did not realize the impact. I just thought it was hilarious. As I went through life I had many problems as I am sure that we all do. I looked at these problems as being daunting and insurmountable. I blew these up into huge behemoths. It dawned on me that I was indeed full of sh!t.

I made these problems what my life was about. It was who I was and who I am to a great extent. It was life. It was my sh!t sandwich. I realized that I did not make these define me. I needed to take small bites. My sh!t sandwich was indeed palatable. If you will, it was a huge change in the context of my life. The context I was living in was that my life sucked because I had problems that I could not deal with. The new context was that my life did not suck. I had problems like everyone else. I was not alone. If I took one thing at a time and deal with them as they happen and not let them develop into something so daunting my live would be very rich and fulfilling.

My suggestion is that every ones life is indeed a sh!t sandwich. Take small bites and live a more satisfying life.

Language

So, I got some feedback about the language I used in my 'Kaka' post yesterday, something to the tune that I used too many curse words and the post overall was scatological in nature.

I could justify it by saying that my mood was such that I openly expressed myself. I could also come up with several other reasons and even apologize. I'm not going to do that. Reasons don't belong here. And the only apology you'll get from me is if I don't make a difference in your life.

My M.O. in general is to keep the cursing out. This does not guarantee a rated PG post every time and there will be posts that are slightly more 'expressive' than others. What's there though is I promise to talk to you like I do my best friend and say it like it is, no matter how it sounds. My promise is to share openly, coming from the context of making a difference in your life as well as my own.

My 'Kaka' post from yesterday is not about kaka. It's about creating being powerful in any circumstance, good or bad. For those who were hoping for a scatological lesson and were let down, please feel free to look up the word 'scatology' in Wikipedia. You'll get a full explanation on this compound word of Hellenic origin.

Now go get a life!

Life Sucks

I am just sitting here thinking about times in my life where I have really been full of myself and needed someone to tell me that I needed to get a life. I have really realized that this has happened a lot in my life. Unfortunately in most instances I did not have someone to do this.

A couple of years ago my marriage was in the dumps. In fact I was on the verge of ending. I had several complaints. My wife thinks her sh!t don't stink, she does not respect me, she does not support me, she does not love me...the list goes on and on. As a result of these complaints I came to the conclusion. F**ck it! I'm outta here. I really told myself it was okay to leave my wife and put my kids in a broken home. I thrived on the fact that I was right and my wife was wrong. I had this power. I could dominate her and to a great extent not let her dominate me. I really needed someone to tell me that I was full of sh!t and to get a life. This is what precisely happened.

I was fortunate to have someone help me realize that I indeed needed to get a life. I sat down and really searched my soul. I came to terms with the complaints I had that put me at the point of being ready to get divorced. I realized that damn it felt good to make her wrong and blame her from everything. Then it dawned on me. It is not about her it is all about me. What was happening is I was letting the situation consume me. I was loosing control. I was loosing my ability to be who I really wanted to be. Then a shift occurred. My wife did not change. The way I was being changed. I took control and realized the way I am is a construct of the bullsh!t. I needed to get a life. I did. None of my complaints mattered anymore. I made a statement. I love my wife. Everything went away.

I hope the crap I have just spewed resonated with someone. If not, tell me to go to hell. I can take it.

Added a new contributor

I just added my good friend Hammad as a contributor to this blog. He and I will be posting regularly. Hammad is the friend I was talking about in my first blog when I mentioned joking around about coaches using jargon and how we can open a coaching service that says it like it is. We're your Get a Life coaches. Ask us something and get a life!

Hello

I am the friend that was mentioned by the other moderator. A few months ago we were pontificating (in know I am full of sh!t) about the state of life coaches and therapists in general. We arrived at the consensus that the state of these professions is to engage in platitudes and feel good speech. I do not know about you but from time to time I need a swift kick in the ass in general, with a few notable exceptions, I have not had this from life coaches or therapists.

I sometimes need a swift kick in the ass when I am really getting full of myself. Many times I have said to myself "What the f**ck!" I get into the mindset that nothing is going right in my life. My job is not going well. My marriage is on the rocks. My kids treat me like sh!t. The list goes on and on. I am sure that we all can relate.

In general, what I have found is that I have an underlying complaint. Just like the complaints I have mentioned above. I tell myself that I am perfectly content bitching about what is going on. Hell I thrive on it. I live in my perfect little world blaming others for what is f**cked up about my life. This is where I need someone to tell me I am full of sh!t and to get a life. It is my hope, along with my friend, that others can tell us that we are indeed full of sh!t and to get a life. We would love to provide this kind of service for others as well.

Kaka

Here's the deal. Good and bad sh@t happens. Period. Why do we always try to make meaning out of it?

"Oh, it's God's way of saying you're not ready."

"It's a blessing in disguise."

"Why does this sh@t always happen to me?"

"Poor bastard. He can't get a break."

Whether it's in the 1st or 3rd person, meaning is meaning. It's what we as humans choose to attribute to a set of circumstances at any given time. It's our way of simply surviving and using our bag of tricks called 'experience' to deal with anything that comes our way. Some of us even reach into a bag called 'being proactive' to avoid bad stuff as much as possible. How about those of us who are resigned. "Nothing can bother me 'cause I don't give a f@ck." I like that one. Works like a charm, right?

Here's the deal. Sometimes you gotta call a turd a turd. Covering it with sugar, sprinkling flowers on top of it, ignoring it or doing anything else does not change the fact that it's still a piece of crap.

I just got reminded of another saying. "One person's crap is another person's love." Great. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

If there is a circumstance in life that you don't like, that's exactly what it is to YOU - regardless if someone else agrees with you or not - regardless of any meaning you attribute to it in order to make it easier to deal with. Whether the toilet backed up, one of your kids has gotten in trouble with the law, a pregnancy didn't work out the way you wanted it to or anything else, good or bad - get that whatever it means to you is your creation alone - whether you realize it or not.

In other words, sh@t happens. Period. Whether you reach into your old bag of tricks to deal with it or make up some meaning like, for example, it was intended that way is ALL UP TO YOU. I say acknowledge any circumstance - good or bad - for what it is and CHOOSE a way to deal with it in a way that gives you POWER and FREEDOM right NOW.

Struggle 'Till the Day I Die

It's true. This has been my story for as long as I can remember. Life is a struggle and anything worth having involves a great deal of effort. It's kind of like being a Marine or being in the Special Forces. You see a military person with those patches and you know they busted their buttocks to earn that distinction. You look at them with a certain level of respect.

Sometimes it really dawns on me. I drive by the expensive neigborhoods, see someone in a nice car I'd love to have and hear stories of people making a whole lot of money and I say to myself one day I'll get there. Automatically I jump to 'this is going to be a struggle'. I either have to work my tail off or stumble upon an idea that will bring the funds in overnight. There's no middle road - and - there's no way I can reach this goal just being myself. I have to make changes. I have to this. I have to that. It will take a lot of work. Perhaps I need to make a great deal of money doing what I'm doing now and then I can take time off to pursue something really cool. Then I go about my life and put off any plans to realize my dreams.

It's very easy to feel stuck and to think that I will spend the rest of my days struggling to provide the best for myself and my family. Kinda sucks if you ask me.

And then it happens. Right as I'm sifting through all this muck, I get that I'm making it all the hell up. Am I making up my bills? No. How about all my responsibilities and my job? Nope. Those are all there. What I am making up is that I must struggle in order to create abundance for myself, my life and my family. What if it can be easy? What if it's effortless? What if I can enjoy the ride and make a boat-load of money in the process? I'll tell you this much. None of that will be possible if I keep sabotaging myself - thinking that I must struggle 10 times more to get there.

Is this self-help bull that I'm spreading? I have this to say. I created very recently that life is not a struggle and that having what I want is easy and fully attainable. How did I do it? The first step was to realize that I was looking at life from the context of 'it's a struggle'. The moment I got that, I created the freedom to look at life from a whole new perspective, the perspective of abundance with ease.

Since then, I have to say that I make the same money as I did a month ago. I have the same bills. The same responsibilities are there. However, it all shows up in my world as being easy. In fact, it takes up a lot less time and effort to achieve what I have been achieving all this time. I'm also seeing that I'm doing pretty darned well right now - today. And now, I have more time on my hands to create really blowing my finances through the roof.

More to come.

First Ever Blog

Ok. So I don't know what the heck I'm doing when it comes to blogs. I only know that the movies make them look easy. So, here goes. First blog ever.

Have you ever worked with a life coach? Have you ever observed one working with another individual? I was fortunate enough to have a great coach during one of my previous jobs. She really made a difference in my career. Since then, I have continued to attend seminars and work with coaches both personally and professionally.

What I notice? That first coach of mine was a gem in the rough. Most coaches sound identical. It's the same old carefully crafted inspirational speak. In fact, I have noticed that some coaches I have worked with have used the same characterizations and acknowledgements when talking to their other clients as they did when talking to me. I see similar trends in inspirational speakers and coaches on TV or in publications. So much for feeling special, huh? So much for getting a piece of feedback that really hits home and makes a difference.

A few months ago, I was joking around with a friend of mine. What would it be like if a coach just said what's there when working with an individual? What if the gut response is what was actually communicated? Would it make a difference? My friend and I came up with coaching scenarios that had us busting out in laughter. At some point though, it dawned on me that perhaps many people would appreciate the gut response. Sometimes people just want the freakin' answer instead of having to interpret some high-level insight and somehow insert it into their lives. Have you ever heard that insights are like rear-ends? They are. Everyone has insights.

So, I'm throwing my hat into the ring. I'm putting myself out there to start a blog called Get A Life. I'll be your quick-stop 'get-a-life' coach. You can ask me anything and I'll give you my gut response. Will my bias and the skeletons in my own closet fall into the picture and affect my responses? You better believe it. Who do you take me for? If you want that high-level fluffy stuff, feel free to visit another blog. Otherwise, you're invited to share an experience or ask a question and Get A Life Coaching will come back at you with a direct answer.

If what I tell you works for you, it's not necessary to give me any credit. Own it as your own brilliance if that floats your boat. If you like, tell your friends and have them ask me stuff too. If my answers provide you with no value, then you got what you paid for. Nothing.

Let's see what you've got.


Get A Life Coaching